Cleaning day at Ulri's flat

After eating the traditional fry-up at the 10th hole, it was time for Ulri and I to go clean her flat top to bottom so that she will get her full deposit back. We both felt very rough. The previous night, many sambukas were drunk at the pub, but only water once in the night club. We had so much fun. I have come to realise, that at the age of 32, all your hang ups about how you look on the dance floor just disappear and you dance because you want to. It was interesting to observe all the young 20 year old girls. Ulri and I could totally understand what they were doing, but are so glad that in our 30's we don't give a shit about the opposite sex and how we look to them. We just dance and let go. The thing with us letting go though, is that we really let go and tend to get the attention of the younger men!! We are such teases!! We love it! But we love dancing and just feeling like we own the dance floor and we don't care what everyone else thinks. It ain't important!

So today, we have scrubbed the flat down. I did the kitchen and bathroom, while Ulri did some sorting and cleaning of her bedroom. We had set the music system up in the kitchen and were playing Ulri's body pump music. And the most wierdest thing happened. A song came on and I listened to the lyrics and it just couldn't be any more poignant to where i am with my relationship right now. I feel like it is my song. What was even more strange was that Ulri came into the room and said 'did you hear those lyrics...this is your song!'. The reason why this is so strange is that Ulri has never listened to any lyrics in her life....she just hears sounds, but this time....? Wierd!

I am really struggling now being with Mark. I feel very distant towards him and I know this is absolutely hurting him, but he knows I have got to have my space. He pissed me off yesterday. After we had been shopping together, I felt like taking a book and my walkman and heading down to the beach and maybe try and catch up on my sleep. I put this to him and he said that he'd taken a day off work to be with me, but if that is what I wanted to do then he respected I needed space. So I felt guilty and so didn't go. Instead, I lay in the garden hammock while he lay on the settee in the front room. So much for spending time together! Not only that, he comes into the garden and says he is going for a bike ride! I wish I'd bloody gone down the beach now. Ulri tells me that next time I shouldn't feel guilty, and I won't.

What was good though, was when he came back an hour or so later. He was on such a high! He managed to cycle up Portsdown Hill in one hit, something he felt he could never do and has tried in the past. All this spinning is paying off. He now wants to buy a new bike and maybe join a club. He is also joining a local fun football club with Craig for every Friday night. For me this is fantastic. The more things he can do that don't focus on me the better. And this way he is getting to meet new people and enjoy more things, away from me. It gives us both space.

Soon Dom will be back from Provence too. I have missed being on line and having our chats. It has been a wierd week and as Ulri leaves hopefully I will have someone else to talk to, and maybe from a man's point of view. I am not sure how Mark will react to this, but just as he is making new friends, I want to continue mine.

See y'all. Take care. x x x