The wierd and wonderful weekend!
Well after alot of planning and consideration, Dom finally arrived. What was it like to meet him for the first time, having chatted on line via web for weeks? - not strange at all. We have a connection that I hope will continue into a strong friendship.
Mark and I first took him to his hotel and then went to the 10th hole for tea and cake - very sickly cake!! From there, we walked the entire seafront of Southsea in the sunny, but very cold conditions. We popped into the Garison Church which is 800 years old. It's a beautiful place. From there we followed the millenium trail to Gunwharf where we had lunch and a very nice bottle of wine. Did a brief burst of shopping and then popped into the gallery to show Dom where I work. Hopped on a bus and went home in time to organise the BBQ.
All in all there were 9 of us. We shared some unique wines generously given by Dom, some good food and then headed back to Gunwharf to go bowling.
Bowling was a hoot. Everyone was playing really well and drinking doubles!! The music finally got to me and I ended up on the dance floor on my own....by then, bowling was just a distraction. By the end of the evening, most of us were on the dance floor giving it all that!! It was around 12am that the shots started flowing and people were necking them way too quickly..luckily for me I was too busy dancing to care about drinking shots.
Come 1am we were kicked out and headed home to ours, whereby the left overs - and there were loads - were scoffed and John and Jackie were doing yoga!! Go figure!!
As soon as we got home, I think the shots finally hit Mark and he turned really ill out in the garden....really ill! Everyone was trying to help but he just couldn't handle moving, yet alone downing bicarb and water!
John managed to take him to bed and look after him and then Jackie and Sid, my outrageous cousin, got a cab home. This left Ulri, Dom and I in the lounge having a deep discussion about Mark.
Mark has reacted very, I don't the word, to Dom coming down. He has had his high positive moments but then proceeds to tell me that he can't handle Dom being my friend, mainly cause he is a guy! Yet he gets on really well with him, as did everyone else! This makes me very angry towards Mark. I feel I am saying the same old shit again and again to reassure him, yet he still keeps going wierd on me. Interestingly, every time he has spoken to Ulri, he has bounced back and been positive, saying it is his issue and he needs to deal with it, yet he then suddenly goes all funny and makes me feel guilty. Well I am not, and nor will I ever feel guilty for having a male friend. I will have 100 if I so choose. But his behavior was really making the weekend a wierd one at times.
I am so tired I will finish this in the morning. Two hours sleep last night makes for a tired lady now.
Next day we met Ulri at the 10th hole for breakfast and then left her to continue our touristy day at the Portsmouth Historic Dockyard, where I also work! We first went on the Harbour Boat Tour lasting an hour. That was really interesting. That was followed by an amazing tour of the Victory which was captained by Nelson. Dom took it upon himself to be photographed lying by the plaque commemorating the spot where Nelson was shot on the upper deck. Check out his blog for photo!.....www.domsjourney.blogspot.com
We took some really cool photos of the rigging...but again look at his blog cause I am sick of seeing boats!!!
After that Dom wanted to see the remains of the Mary Rose, which Mark and I warned him was crap although we hadn't seen it in years ourselves! So seeing as we had paid for it we thought we'd try again! Give the benefit of the doubt!! Well, when you are given a listening device to tell you exactly what you are seeing, then you have got to start worrying! So, needless to say, we haven't changed our opinion of it.
Luckily there is a museum which holds all the contents of the ship, and that was more interesting. A short video of how it all began and how the ship was raised was shown which was pretty impressive. By now, Mark's hangover was really kicking in and I was hungry! Nothing new there really!! We went for some late lunch and made our way home. Spent the last few hours at the computer really, down loading stuff, images, songs, software. Dom is really knowlegable about all that and has really helped familiarise myself to new techno adventures!
Anyway, he left at about 6.30pm. I was truely knackered from a really weird and wonderful weekend. I hope we can do it again in the not too distant future...but I guess Mark will play a part in that decision, which is scary for me. I don't want to lose such a good connection with a friend and I don't want Mark to drive him away, although Dom is too nice a guy to just up and leave and Mark is too nice a guy to want to hurt my feelings. So we will see.
See y'all.
posted by Theresa Stancombe at 8:04 pm
6 Comments:
I suppose Mark's reaction to your friendship with Dom is a natural one, but you might ask yourself what the underlying cause is in order to deal with it constructively. A reaction like that usually stems from fear - fear of losing you to another, fear of being cuckholded, fear of failing at a marriage. If you can identify and deal with the underlying fear directly, you will probably have a better result than simply letting Mark try to deal with it himself.
I've found that the best antidote to fear is love. Expressing your love and support for someone has a way of reducing or dispelling whatever fears they might have in whatever they are dealing with. But you know, telling someone you love them should mean more than just reassurance. If there is so much doubt remaining, then either you're not telling him right or he has self-esteem/trust issues that need to be worked out.
I apologize if I am overstepping my bounds in writing this. If you want to delete this comment, I will totally understand. I guess I'm just in a bit of a pensive mood tonight.
4:31 am
It was a great week-end. and was so good to meet you all. Hope everyone has recovered this morning. I could certainly do with another day off!
6:32 am
I haven't finished writing everything yet Michelle. Mark has very low self esteem now and huge insecurities. Wierdly this has only come on in the last three or four weeks in conjunction with getting to know Dom, but I think more importantly since I have lost alot of weight. It's just cooincidental that the two happened at the same time. My confidence has increased of late and I don't see myself as insecure, so I don't understand so well other people's insecurities. I am of the mind, deal with it and move on. But as my friend Ulri tells me, it isn't as easy as that. Mark is now looking into getting therapy which I am really pleased about. More than anything I blame his parents. They are not bad people, they just never showed any emotions and Mark was never taught to express emotions. Coupled with that, they are very negative people and I feel, as does he, that this has made him feel insecure and worthless. It just so happens, these feelings have emerged all at once, now.
I am not offended by what you say Michelle. It is good to see it from someone elses perspective. I think what you said pretty much somes it up.
3:26 pm
It's that kind of strict adherence to arbitrary sex stereotypes that makes me want to retch. I was the same way - taught to repress emotions, boys don't cry, etc. It's a very damaging and unhealthy way to grow up. I'm not saying Mark will turn out like me though ;)
Communication is the key, and it sounds like you and Mark are doing the right things. Sometimes we can't help the way we are because of how we were brought up, but we shouldn't let that negatively impact our future happiness. I hope that things work out for the best for both of you.
5:06 pm
Michelle, you sound a very wise and understanding person. It is good for me to have someone who is there hearing things from my perspective. This is why I love the blog so much. I have warned Mark that this in a way is my therapy. I have to be honest in it and if he chooses to read it - and he does - then he must be prepared for my honesty and emotions be they hurtful or not. I am writing this blog for me and only me.
I look forward to more comments from you Michelle, oh wise one!
7:54 pm
Terri, I'm not particularly wise, but thank you for the compliment. However, I do have a lot of experience in hearing about marriages under stress, as you can imagine from the circles I frequent, and of course my own marriage being what it is. But what is great about blogging is finding people who can view your life from the distant perspective of an outsider. It's easier to analyze a situation without being emotionally involved in it. That's basically what a therapist does, except blogging is free ;)
4:52 am
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