My week so far

One of my dear friends, Ulri, kindly reminded me that I haven't been doing my blog lately, and I said that I haven't really done anything to write about. And she replied that it used to be more about my emotions....and she is right ofcourse. But I'm not sure if I should be expressing these emotions right no, a) because I feel I may be repeating myself and b) this is a very difficult time for Mark right now as tomorrow I am officially leaving him to move into my little cottage. Obviously there are mixed emotions going on here and I do not wish to rub my feelings in his face. This is difficult as I always said this was my therapy and that I had to be truely honest about my thoughts and if he happened to read them then that was his choice. But this is killing him, I know. My six month seperation has nothing to do with him. He has agreed to it as the alternative is that I leave completely now. Hopefully, the six months will give us both space to figure out what it is we (I) want. This will be resolved one way or another.

I have been trying to live away from the house as much as possible but this week I have had to be in the same house especially as I have needed to pack. I never realised how much stuff I had. It is getting a little tricky now too as there are things that I need and also things that Mark needs and I don't know what to take. He is being very cool and saying 'take what you want, I don't care', but I know that when I do he may curse me later! How do you split a set of knives when the 2 you use are the same as the ones he uses. Silly but difficult!

Over the week, I have made a conscious effort to get back in touch with friends. Some I feel have neglected me and it would appear are more concerned with Mark - and that's fine. Some I am pleased to say are still there for me even though I thought they would waver towards Mark and distance themselves from me. So next week I have a hectic social schedule I am pleased to say. Ros and Rose are doing lunch with me, John is meeting me for drinks one evening, Helen is 30 seconds away as is Elly. Might have to do a house warming party....we will see!

Tonight I am going to my second class of Jive dancing. I love it!! I have found a fantastic dance partner, Dave, who has a strong lead. For those who don't know what it is: it is very much a contact dance, swinging and twisting, just like the old days of the 50's and 60's. The good thing is you do it to chart music. The hall is huge as it is part of Horndean Technical College. The floor has to be really slippery for you to move properly. There is proper disco lighting and a good DJ. You have a few classes and then the last 2 hours is free style. Just like the old days everyone sits around the outside of the dance floor and the women wait for the men to ask them to dance. It is considered very rude to refuse and consequently you can land up with some real mingers. I seem to attract the over 55's as usual. Dave is about 60!! But he has a good strong lead andI have learnt loads from him. So he will be my partner tonight hopefully. Last week I came out of there with the biggest high ever - and no alcohol was required!! It was such a buzz.

As I said before, I am moving in to my new cottage tomorrow with my colleague Dale. My sister is coming over with baby Anna to help me shift stuff as she has a car. We have had so many problems so far that the estate agent is starting to piss us off. In one breath you are told everything is sorted; cleaned carpets, cleaned house, new cooker and beds, only to find that none of it has been done and Dale is having to sit and wait for people who are just not turning up and you can't get hold of the estate agent!! GGRRRR.

As I move out, so Mark goes to his parents in Chesterfield for the weekend straight from work on Friday. It is his father's 70th birthday. I am not sure what has been said to the rest of the family but knowing his parents, it will be kept quiet as it is more a matter of pride! I am working this weekend anyway so that is probably what they will say. He gets back on Sunday to an empty house....can't imagine how he will feel. Awful no doubt....but in time it will get easier.

Just heard from Dale and the estate agent is chasing things up. I will pop there after work...now that I have keys!!! So excited!

Take care for now. See y'all. x x x