And Friday got better!
When I got to work on Friday, I was feeling so fed up. Julian turned up and it was really good to see him. I had sent him a text previously asking if his wife could recommend someone to help Mark. When I spoke to him, he thought I had been joking! He couldn't believe what I said! Speaking to Julian, made me realise how difficult this situation is for both me and Mark.
I went to the loo because I felt a bit emotional. I AM STRONG. I can deal with this, I have to.
Didn't really get much work done, my mind was else where. Am making up for it today though. Had suggested to Mark that maybe we could go to the cinema after work, just to get out. So he met me at Gunwharf straight from work and we went to see Hitch Hikers Guide to the Gallery...I mean Galaxy!!!!!!.........a highly entertaining and funny film. After that we were just going to go home and get a take-out curry, but I thought we should stay away from the house and go for a couple of drinks at our local. On the way home, Mark said he had read my blog. I didn't know how he would react but interestingly he said it was okay and that what Michelle had written really made him think. I didn't even know that she had replied although I had asked her too. A huge 'thank you' Michelle. What you said made so much sense to both of us. I was itching to read it so before we went round the pub I did. 'Wow' I thought...she is good!! Mark said she made him cry and that he wanted to respond....maybe in time.
Anyway we went round the horrible smokey pub and talked more. Came home after one drink and chilled in front of the T.V with a bottle of wine while waiting for curry, which when eventually arrived was delicious. Pretty much went to bed after that. Very tired - emotionally. As Julian says 'I look strained!!!'
See y'all soon. Take care x x x
posted by Theresa Stancombe at 12:29 pm
4 Comments:
I'm glad I could help. I suppose my being transgendered and my background in psychology gives me better than average insight into relationship dynamics. I only wish it were as easy for me to turn my vision inward and get my own head on straight sometimes.
If you ever need me, I'm here for both of you.
5:44 pm
thankyou michelle for your understanding. This is a circumstance where if you could turn back time, and be rational I would. The biggest fear of all is the thought of losing Terri, and this is probably not the best place to tell her, but i fear i am pushing her away, and smothering her. I need to step back, and talk to a third party about my fears. Things for me are much clearer, but i dont fully understand how much hurt I have caused, to the one person I never want to hurt. The mind plays some strange games, but I would like to thank you Michelle for being there, you have been a strength to Terri and I appreciate your advise.
To Terri, I apologise for putting this on your Blog but i dont know how to contact Michelle in any other way. Please feel free to delete this if you wish.
8:18 am
Mark, I understand where you're coming from when you say you are afraid of losing Terri. But I would suggest to you that being in a mindset of fear is not the best place to be when you are working on a troubled relationship. Better to approach it from the mindset of love, as in asking yourself "how can I express my love more completely?" or "what have I done lately to express my love?" Ask yourself: why did Terri fall in love with me in the first place, and what has changed about me that makes me feel she doesn't love me anymore? This line of thinking will probably lead to actions and decisions far better than if the only thing in your mind is "I'm afraid of losing her, what should I do?"
Fear leads to anger and denial. I have spent the better part of my 36 years living in fear of being who I really am - fear of being ostracized, being ridiculed, all the things you can imagine happening to a transgendered person. My denial was so strong that it's not a stretch to say I chose to get married and have a child partly to further suppress myself in order to "fit in." So I'm a perfect example of how you can totally mess up your life living in fear.
Both of you need to talk about how your marriage has changed. She has changed a lot in recent months, perhaps you have changed as a result, perhaps you're going through your own changes independently. But try to talk about what YOU feel, how YOU'VE changed - don't accuse or point fingers at each other. By sharing how you feel, the other person will be more comfortable sharing their true feelings. And once the truth is out on the table, you won't be so afraid of it because it will no longer be unknown, and you can both start dealing with it positively.
I'm sure Terri doesn't mind seeing this on her site, but if she wants to take this offline, she knows how to reach me by email. Good luck to you.
4:19 pm
thank you for the response, once again you have proven what a wise person you are. Take Care
5:59 pm
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