Sunday blues

The gallery is so quiet now what with the kids going back to school. Today seemed to drag on for ever. I did take myself out though in my lunch hour to take some photos. A friend and I have decided to set up a photo blog and these were to be my first entry. I was so excited about the content that I rushed back and began manipulating them in photoshop which I haven't done in many years. I got some great results if I do say so myself and was eager to put them on the blog for my friend to see. The afternoon passed slowly and I was chatting alot with friends. One of them being my photo blog pal. He wasn't happy with me and I understood why cause the way I had uploaded them was quick and unprofessional and nothing like he expected, to be fair. But I was hurt by the way it was said especially as nothing was said about the actual photos which I was very proud of.

Anyway, in the evening I went out with Jacqui and Sid down to Gunwharf. Had a lovely time. Several cocktails and a fab curry. The older waiter was quite funny and perverse which was hilarious coming from an indian guy. There was so much left over I asked for a doggy bag. He said they don't do them but after awhile of chatting he said he'd get me one. Since then, Dale has scoffed the lot!!! lol.

When I got home I checked my emails and all I can say is that I feel extremely shocked and hurt. And once again find myself wondering what the fuck have I done wrong now. When something so rectifyable turns into a huge deal I feel completely helpless. I am lost. Apart from saying sorry and putting the problem right, I don't feel I can do anymore. Yet the person who I wronged is hurting, which in turn is killing me. And I don't know what to do. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, alone. I have been likened by two close people , to a duracel battery, and for those that don't know what that means, it means that I just keep going and going. Well the truth of the matter is, my power is fading fast. It is now 3.20am, Monday morning.I have to go to work in less than 6 hours and I just can't sleep. But I want to, so badly. Does that mean I have energy? In a way yes, but I am burning out. I don't know how long I can keep this up for. I find myself truely alone. The people I would love to be able to talk are out of touch with me pretty much and do not wish to admit my situation. This hurts me. My blog at the minute seems to be my real friend for atleast I can air how I feel. Although this is untrue in a way for I can't be honest about certain stuff in order to be discreet so as not to hurt certain peoples feelings. Here I go again....putting other people's needs first, when quite frankly, no one is giving a shit aobut how I feel in all this. And please, for certain people who now feel I am being harsh on them, and you know who you are, don't be...I am not referring to you! I just feel like there is this black whole I am in, and there is no way out. Like my uncle said, i am on an umkknown train journey and i have just got to hang on and get through this.

Better try and sleep now.

Night y'all. Sweet dreams.