A week on.......

I have been on a roller coaster of emotions since hearing of the death of my baby. Anger, depression, sadness, pain - emotionally and physically. I think I am coming to terms with it all now. The bleeding has eased, as has the pain. All I think now is 'there goes my baby, down the toilet....how disrespectful and a terrible way to disappear from our lives'. I am going to buy and plant a meaningful rose to remember our little one that got away by. They will always be in our hearts. I find it frustrating that I couldn't even find out the sex of our baby. Would have liked to have given a name.

I have tried to keep busy and we even did a local walk at the weekend although I was in a bit of pain. But it did me good to get out. I have listened to a lot of Amy Macdonald too, and although her lyrics aren't sad, the haunting sound of her beautiful voice did make me cry a lot. Meg has been good on the whole. She doesn't really understand and I think sometimes has played me up big time for attention. My hormones are all over the place and I find myself extremely snappy at times. I do apologise to her after though. She is oblivious! She's too laid back to let anything get to her. Wish I was like that!

Now I must look forward, positively. We are going to start trying again in June when on holiday in the South of France. That will give my body a few months rest and a chance to enjoy a holiday now with out restrictions of what I eat and drink. It gives me a chance to carry on taking folic acid which you should start taking three months before you start trying to conceive. I will get it right this time. And I will do it with more conviction knowing that more than ever there is nothing I want more than to have another child with the most caring and loving husband in my world. If I have learnt one thing from this experience, it's that Dom and I are meant to be together always. This has made us stronger.
So will I carry on my blog....we will see.