Coming to an end

Yesterday, I received in the post the Divorce Petition. You know when you read through it it kinda hits you just what it is you are actually doing and going through and what you are putting the other person through. When I read, in Mark's hand-writing, 'The Respondent has comitted adultery with a man and the Petitioner finds it intolerable to live with the Respondent', a sharp knife goes straight through my stomach. I just cannot stop crying.

Mark had also sent me a typed letter regarding finances and settlement....all very professional. In my replies I too am trying to remain professional but I keep hearing in my head 'I am so so sorry Mark, I really never meant to hurt you'. And once again I am crying. My future is very good and I know I must cling to that. But I HATE myself for putting Mark through all this pain, not just emotionally but financially too. He is very much in contact with my parents...truth be told, more so than me. I don't have a problem with that. Why should their relationship change just because of me? I really hope in time, that one day Mark and I can be friends and stay in touch just every now and again. Twelve years of loving someone is very hard to just cut off like that. He is a very good person and I hope he will find someone worthy of his kindness and love. But it still breaks my heart that I was so cruel to him.....but maybe I have to be cruel to be kind for both our futures?

My weekend

Cut Le Roc on the decks!!

Well what a weekend I have had, by that I mean a truely great one. On Saturday did the usual shopping etc but in the evening I went to a house party, one and a half hours away, in Essex, love! It was just meant to be a party for work-mates but then the hostess decided to get engaged the night before and so we celebrated that! Her boyfriend, Lee, a.k.a Cut Le Roc, one of the leading DJ's around at present in the UK, had set up his decks in the lounge and so we were all dancing to a top dj in his lounge!!!! How cool an experience is that?!!!!!! The music was awesome.

The mad group of work buddies! Great laugh!

The next day I went to Kew gardens for the day which is absolutely stunning at this time of the year. All the leaves are starting to change colour now and there is such a variety at Kew. There was also the glass exhibition by Chihuly, an American artist, who has revolutionised the way we see glass. It was truley spectacular, if a little garish at times, but hey, he is american and we know how they like bright colours!! lol

Although this sculpture is horrendously garish in real life, it doesn't look bad in the photo!

This has to be my favourite sculpture. I love the way they fit in with the landscape!

London Day out with Helen

Because I was going to be on my own on Tuesday, and because I knew Helen was coming to London the following day to do her MA, I asked if she wanted to come and stay with me. She jumped at the chance. We came home and chatted over a good south african Pinotage and had one of my sister's spectacular curries.

The next day we went into the city to Russel Square. The tube journey was a bit daunting. When we got on the northern line, 6 policemen got on our carriage too. Helen and I were thinking 'do they know something we don't know?' It was a bit unnerving. They got off 3 stops down and I felt relief. I have since been told that they do random carriages in this way on different lines, so it's good to know.

In Russel Square there is a lovely little cafe and we had a good lunch there. I had pizza which I have to be in the mood for - which isn't often - but I was then!! After that she showed me where her college was and then we went to a new exhibition at the National Museum. What a fantastic, beautiful building! The exhibition 'The Persian Trail' would've been £8 to get in but luckily we had passes so didn't have to pay. To be honest, I was very disappointed at the show in many ways. I came out really knowing little more. Because it was so small and didn't last that long, we decided to take in the China area (free) which is part of the 'Silk Rd' that Helen is studying. In the corner was a lady with a few artifacts. She encouraged us over and we wearily went to her. Boy, am I glad we did!

This lady was wonderful - really new her stuff, and the best thing of all was that we were allowed to pick up the items and really get to know their history. She knew her history!! Holding something that is a jadite thumb ring for an archer, two and a half thousand years old is just a fantastic experience! I learnt more in half an hour with her than the other exhibition. My advice if any one goes to the National Museum is to go up to these people. They are in every room....and it is massive. Her own life history was just as mind blowing too. Great way to meet new and interesting people! I am actually looking forward to going back again - and I usually hate history!!!!

One for Shannon!!!

Meet my sister! She got my portion.....and some!!

Couldn't resist putting this on my blog as it made me laugh so much! This is at my niece's 8th birthday...her mum is slightly tiddly - well she must be considering the mother-in-law is in the background!!!! lol.

The weekend

It is so nice not having to work weekends anymore, knowing that you can do things with other people who also have this time off! On Saturday, I went into London city with Dom to do one of the London walks - the Lamberth walk to be precise (Oi!). I find these walks fascinating and feel I am getting to know the real London this way. Although I had stomach cramps to die for, this did not deter me from enjoying the walk. We net up with Dom's Finnish friends, Nina and her husband Mico in the mid afternoon along the southbank and headed for this beautiful Turkish restaurant where you sat on tiny, tiny chairs at tiny, tiny tables. Are the turkish people very short? The food and wine was great. It looked like the turkish army had got a weekend off to come and cook our dinners! They were all wearing this military looking uniform with hats to match!

After dinner we went to the Anchor for drinks. It's very touristy, located on the southbank but was still very good. We said good bye to Nina and Mico around 7 as they were off to do some scottish dancing for breast cancer awareness. Mico wanted to stay at the bar and drink whiskey, but I am confident that Nina made him dance!! lol.

The Sunday morning was an early rise.

Mad Dom was doing the 10k Nike race and I had promised to go and support him. Not having had much sleep the previous few days meant that just when I could have continued sleeping, the alarm woke me up! I think they call it ‘Sod’s law?’ Anyway, got down to Hyde Park on what was an absolute corker of a beautiful day - couldn’t have been better conditions. And although I was hanging around for an hour or so, the park was at its best. The autumn trees were stunning, the sky was a Barcelona blue and I got to see the Princess Diana Memorial monument, which I have to say was absolutely diabolical and the most unflattering tribute to such a magnificent Ambassador to this country. It also pisses me off to find out that we get an American to design it! I have nothing against Americans or their design, but why can’t we have someone from our country representing this? Grrr! It was a good opportunity to ring my sister and speak to her and my niece, Emily, who was 8 that day.

The race was great to watch. A stream of red shirts just covered the landscape and it looked great. So many people took part and I hope to do it next year. After the race, a very sweaty Dom and I went to Nottinghill for lunch. Mexican tapas – very nice! We then headed home which took a while as the Northern line was still down. But it meant we got to go on the train and tram and bus! Have never used so much public transport before!!

When we got home there was a note from Dale saying he would be back to get his stuff, check your email and a cheque will be in the post. Dale has left the building!

I am angry and upset with him because I feel he has taken everything suggested in the wrong way and turned it into a guilt act for me and Dom. I have enough to deal with, without having to worry about another person – although this is now the case. Although he tells me not to worry, I don’t know where he is staying or when/if he will be back. I feel he has taken a fantastic opportunity and thrown it away – or perhaps runaway? He is my little bro, and I do not want to lose him. I know this can be sorted but he needs to start taking responsibility for himself.

Catch up time

While in Barcelona, I decided that it was important for me to go back down to Pompey for a few days to catch up with friends and family - and to get out of the house - a change of scenery etc....
So on Wednesday I got on the train and headed down South. I met Rose and Ros for lunch which was most pleasant - we ate in the Old Royal Theatre so it was a beautiful backdrop to a good lunch. Then I met up with surrogate mum Maggie, in the same place and whiled away the afternoon catching up. I have missed these guys!
In the evening I went to my parents having had to cancel poetry night with Elly as I had been told that roast beef was on the cards and I couldn't miss my ma's dinner for the world. I spent the next 3 hours installing software on their computer (which was my sister's) so that my dad could start using it to do his blog. My father is a great one for moaning about EVERYTHING, but the good thing is, he writes it in such a witty way. I am going to sort out broad band for him and then you all can read his blog.....watch this space!

I never slept at all that night. The bed was so soft, there were FOUR pillows and the window was open (broken). The rain came down like bombs. It was so noisey. Living above a chip shop also tends to have this horrible smell that sits on the back of your throat and tends to make me feel really sick. I guess all those reasons combined make for crap night's sleep. Just when I thought I was finally dozing off, Alf knocks on the door saying 'Coffee!!'. Bloody hell, what happened to the time!!

Elly cancelled lunch so I hung around with parents till 12, just catching up. Then I headed into Southsea and hung around the castle for an hour until Elly was available for coffee. Round her house, we had a good moan about men - particularly her wanker of a husband (eventually to be ex) and then she dropped me off to see Helen, my wonderful south african friend. After a quick catch up, I hopped on the train and headed for Havant where my sister picked me up.

That evening was fab. I drank Foustino 5, ate a fantastic lamb curry she made, bathed the kids, chatted on line briefly and then settled down to watch the DVD of Catherine Tate....what a laugh. We had such fun. My sister was absolutely hammered!! Very funny to watch!!

Once again didn't sleep - what with being shipped from one bed to the next due to nieces falling out of beds!! lol. But it was a good couple of days. The next morning at 8.15 I went and visited my good old nan, soon to be 90. She was in very good spirits. From hers I walked to my cousin's house to visit her and her new born baby, Hannah. Katie nearly died and is not allowed to do ANYTHING for 2 weeks incase she harmorrhages. I haven't seen her in years so it was good to make the effort. And what a cute baby!! Broodiness is on the horizon. lol!

Went back to my sister's for more curry and after lunch headed back to London. Was good to be home.

Am back from Barcelona!

I arrived back in the early hours of Sunday morning after a wonderful week in the beautiful city of Barcelona. I have been there before with college about 10 years ago but had forgotten just how alive this city is. I stayed in an apartment about 10 minutes walk from the Rambla in the gothic part of the city. It was such a central location to be in, 2 minutes walk from the Arc de Triomphe. I probably walked in the region of 70 miles over the week. The weather was so beautiful that it would have been a shame to miss out on the stunning architecture against the bluest of skies had I been underground on the tubes! As you can see from the pictures below, the food and markets were just out of this world. It was a good opportunity to blag my spanish too! (Hablo un poco!) The wines were to die for too and somehow 10 bottles of goooood Rioja managed to come home with me aswell as lots of chorizo and other salamis! I have come home feeling very relaxed and chilled but also very sad...I can't explain it. I have cried twice now, quite intensely. Maybe being relaxed has just let me get it all out. But now reality is here. I am heading down to Portsmouth on Wednesday and returning Friday sometime. If any of you want to catch up with me then please let me know. Would love to have a cuppa or something stronger with my pals. I will stay at my parents house on Wednesday night in Portsmouth and then on Thursday night will be at my sisters on Hayling. If any of you can sqeeze me in for an hour that would be great!

Off to barcelona

It's 5am on this wonderful saturday morning and in 20 minutes I am off to Barcelona. see you in just over a week's time.

Have fun without me!