What a great day - Wednesday 28th Sept turned out to be!

First thing this morning, I got up and switched on the computer to check emails etc. There was one from Mark, headed 'divorce'. For some reason my heart starts beating faster and as I read it, I realise how easy and emotionally detatched the process can be. He writes that he has almost filled in the forms but needs date(s) and place(s) of my adultery! Now although we were seperated when I met my new partner, in the eyes of the Law, I am still technically married. Mark and I are still very amicable about the whole thing which is brilliant and we have both agreed that the best thing would be to get this divorce over and done with sooner than later so we can both move on in our new lives. Admitting adultery is the only way to do this as Mark has not done anything to harm me in anyway. We would have to wait 2 years otherwise and neither of us wants that.

He also asks me for a cheque for £210 for the divorce costs. Now in one way I think...cheeky bastards, will take money off you any which way they can and on the other hand I think, '£210 - is that all our marriage was worth?' Trying to sort this cheque out is proving harder than I thought. Am trying to change my address details with a local branch and spent an hour and a half yesterday, walking up and down Oxford Street, trying to find a bloody Nationwide. Never happened in the end! Will have to try somewhere else today.

In the afternoon, after going into London city on my own for the first time in my life (huge thing for me), I met up with Dom and we went to the matinee of the musical 'We Will Rock You'. We had free tickets as his friend Jules, was one of the leading roles. It was amazing. The cast was fantastic and the live sound of Queen just blew me away. It's not until you go and see a show like that do you realise just how diverse and brilliant, ney, geniuous Queen truely were. We met up with Jules and her boyfriend, Lewis, at the stage door and then went for a drink to catch up. What a character she is - true east londoner....loved her!

After that Dom and I went to Belgos, a wonderful belgium restaurant where we had a lovely bottle of wine and tai mussels!! Yum yum. I was beat by then so we got on the tube and headed home. I went straight to bed. Was a long day for me.

The previous night we had met up with Dom's best friend Aaron and girlfriend Liz at their place in Kingston. What a lovely area, right by the river. We went for a few drinks and naturally the girls started talking to eachother while the boys talked, you guessed it - SPORT!! Liz works in publishing and thinks there maybe a job on a new magazine called 'She'. The job is assistant Homes Editor helping with shoots and ideas for rooms - would be right up my street. So need to work on the CV today. I have an advantage in the sense that they have not advertised the position yet and Liz is Adminstration Manager and can pull alot of weight. The other advantage is that she really likes and is apparently a very good judge of character....so you never know!


Anyways, that's long enough. Am off out tonight to meet aload more friends of Dom. So far they have all been extremely lovely people and I look forward to spending more time with them. We are going to the Boot and Flogger again to have port, red wine and tapas....good practise for Barcelona on Saturday. CAN'T WAIT!

Take care y'all

My first real weekend in London

This weekend has been my first proper weekend settled into my new home. I have had a very lazy/pottering sort of week, as I have been ill. But this weekend has been brilliant.

On Saturday afternoon, the landlord and I went into the centre of London to do one of the walks listed in a book. It was the Bloomsbury walk which ventured across parks, burial grounds, important land marks of our history and even the famous Great Ormond Street Hospital. It was a fabulous walk that took about an hour and a half, as we were photographing key points that the landlord will put on his blog. What was so great about this walk, and I look forward to doing many more, was that we went down streets and areas that you would just never find in London. There are some magnificent squares and houses in the area and I felt privileged to have discovered the unknown heart of a piece of London.

It was very tiring and took alot out of both of us. Saturday night was just a lazy chilled night in front of the t.v curled up on the sofa. I must have been shattered as I fell asleep downstairs by about 10 watching Born Supremecy!

Besides, the next day was an early rise as we were going to do the Smartie Run (Landlord owns smart car). I packed a picnic and we headed for Thorpe Park - the meeting place for all the cars. Never have I seen so many smarties in all of my life! The effort some people had put into customising their babies was incredible. One had orange fur all over it!! We all headed for the Brighton race course, the official finish. Boxes of sickly donuts were being given away which was cool....if you like sickly donuts - which land lord does! After an hour or so we drove home, hooting the horn and waving at any other smart car! It was good cameraderie!

It was a tiring day and so we finished by having a roast lamb dinner followed by flopping on the sofa, watching a DVD.


So what's it like living with the new landlord?

We have had minor teething problems and a few adjustments have had to be made on all sides, but on the whole it is a very pleasant atmosphere and good place to live. I am teaching landlord to 'chill' a little bit and not care so much if something is slightly out of place -especially as there are three of us now! Give him his due, considering he has lived all alone in a batchelor pad for the last 5 years, he is being extremely open minded to everything.....that takes alot to do. I have total respect for him and am truely thankful that he has taken us in. I only hope it may continue....

Tagged from Yossarian - Paul

10 years ago

Was studying for my 3D design degree…working extremely hard and collapsing from tiredness every day. No social life, was asleep too much. Found out later I was on death’s door with the lowest under active thyroid my doctor had seen!

5 years ago

Was married and working as a glass and ceramics technician while trying to promote my own glass work as an artist.

1 year ago

Had recently started working as marketing manager for a new commercial art gallery and really loving it. Was also looking forward to spending nearly a month in Sydney with my dear friends Amy and Ben.

Yesterday

Joined in with the Smartie Run for the first time ever, going from London to Brighton. A beautiful day for it, with great company. The evening was chilled eating roast lamb dinner and watching Ten things I hate about you, snuggled up on the sofa.

Today

Got up, made a sandwich for landlord, made coffee and went back to bed and read. Got up, switched on computer, mouse didn’t work. Eventually all was sorted and have spent time on the web cam catching up with my dear sister.

Tomorrow

Not thought that far ahead yet!

5 songs I know the words too.

I am in the mood for dancing – Nolan sisters

Breathe – blue

Fast car – Tracy Chapman

The Rose – Elaine Page and other versions

Can’t get you out of my head – Kylie

5 snacks

left over curry – of course

crisps and milk

fruit

left over food in general – hate waste

pork pie and chorizo! - almost forgot!

5 things I would do with a million pounds

Travel the world in luxury

Make sure my friends and family were looked after

Invest wisely

Set up a charity/holiday house abroad, for unloved kids in Britain.

?

5 places I would run away to.

Andalucia – Spain

Australia

Slovenia

Boston

Tuscany

5 things I would never wear

a mini skirt

socks with skirts

shorts

flares

gypsy skirts

5 favourite tv shows

Every body loves Raymond

Scrubs

No going Back

Any cookery program excluding the Bitch, Delia – patronising cow!

? don’t watch much tv

5 things I like doing

cooking

travelling

quality ‘Me’ time

socialising with friends

experiencing new things with new man

5 bad habits

saying what I think - without thinking sometimes
being blunt
feeling insecure
finishing off people's sentences - apparently
using too many pans to cook with!

5 joys

touch

smell

taste

sound

sight

movies I like

Love Actually

American Beauty

Kill bill 1 and 2

Emma

Brigit Jones

5 famous people I’d like to meet

mother Teresa

Martin Luther King

Elvis Presley

Marylin Monroe

Ghandi

5 favourite toys

computer/web cam

mini disc player

books

straighteners!!

Eye lash curlers!! lol

Goodbye Clooney

It saddens me enormously when I see this picture and know that I have given permission to give Clooney away. I couldn't have her in my new home and as she was a wedding present from Mark, as much as he loved her, he could not face having her in the house any longer. I was not there to say 'good bye' and nor was I there to do the horrible deed of putting her in the cage and seeing her go. This has just hit me. I am crying now....I am so sorry for Mark for having to go through this alone. I can't imagine what he was feeling. I look at the picture above now and realise I really really miss her. For the last several months I have had nothing to do with her. I have been so wrapped up in my own new life/stresses, that I kind of put her to one side. I didn't think it would upset me. But now, seeing this, it upsets me hugely. I know that she is not settling very well in her new home either. As much as the lady likes her, Clooney is scratching and biting her and is causing infectiuous skin problems....I hope she gives Clooney a chance.

Settling in.

The weekend was a long one with all the packing and unpacking etc, but by Sunday evening we were 90% there. I have been told to chill for the next two weeks and then am off to Barcelona for a week anyway. The last two days I have been pottering and watching 6 hours of the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Have seen it so many times over the years. One of my close friends, Shukwai, used to ring me up on a wet winter's day and suggest we spend the afternoon snuggled in front of the tv watching it! I miss her......

Anyway, I have not watched TV for 6 months now so this was a huge feat for me. Over the week I have been getting a chest infection and knew that the best thing I could do was to rest anyway. People keep telling me I am going to burn myself out with all the stresses and strains I have been under. But I know as soon as I stop, I will become ill which is probably half the reason why I don't. Infact, I don't think I actually know how to chill. Always feel I should be doing something and feel guilty if I don't. How do I change this state of mind which has been with me for nearly 33 years now?

I have alot of little things to do, now I have moved: sort out new doctors, let my old dentist know I am not coming back and find another, sort out new addresses on all paperwork.....is there anything else you can think of? With my head so fuzzy, it is hard to think. Period! oh yeah...divorce! how could I forget that!

Last night, everyone was contacting me at once...3 people in fact. Don't you just love technology? Mobile phone goes off, my sister is on ISM and the land line is ringing!!! Amazingly I can answer all three!! But my immediate priority was the mobile. It was Jude!!!! Was so excited to hear from her. We have been out of contact really since she left Artists Harbour at the end of June. She was starting a new, highly stressful job and I knew that it would be tough, and the travel would keep her time occupied. Anyway, she called on her way home from work. Now she is living in Battersea which makes me very excited because I don't know many people up here as yet and am a little frightened of becoming a hermit and losing the self confidence I have built up over the last year. We had a long chat and as her day off is on Friday, we are going to meet for coffee and possibly a few drinks in the evening....see how this chest thing goes. But it is good we have made contact.

Ulrika is also back in England for a few days -to hand in her MA. (Well done girl!! Very proud of you!) She has been staying with Mark but is coming up to London on Thursday and Friday so we have arranged to meet for coffee on Friday at 10.30. It has been nearly 3 months since I last saw her in Stockholm and many things have changed since then. It will be good to catch up as we really have not been incommunicado in that time. It must be very difficult to be in her situation, trapped between 2 friends. But I know she has been a very good friend to me over the 3 years and I hope this awkward situation will eventually dissolve and we can continue to be good friends.

Anyways, that's long enough chilling!!!

The Move - 17th Sept

My temporary roomies fitting ikea furniture!

Surprisingly, the move all round went spectacularly well. Helen and Elly, oh and not forgetting dear Ludo, helped shift all the stuff into the transit. It was done in 30 minutes! We drove over to Hayling to give my sister my old computer and web cam so we can now talk and see each other regularly. Dale set her computer up and we all had delicious sandwiches. After an hour, we said our good byes and headed for my Nan's. As any of you loyals know, she is the most important person in my life and I had to say good bye.

We stayed for an hour. The boys washed up and trimmed the flowers we had bought for her. She was impressed with them both which was very important to me as these are the guys I am going to live with.

Once we got back to my new 'home', we unloaded the van and headed for IKEA, where we had meatballs and bought furniture for the house. Then we headed for Sainsbury's to stock up. We didn't get in til just gone 10pm. We were all shattered. It had been a long day. Champagne finished it off nicely. A toast to new beginnings.....

My leaving do.

I would just like to say a huge thank you for all the friends and family who came to my leaving do. It was only meant to be a mini pub crawl but turned out to be a fantastic boogie night, especially for me and me old best mate Jane. Dancing with my dad, doing the 'jive' was pretty good fun too!

Am absolutely f*******g LIVID!!!

Right now I feel like I am on the biggest roller coaster of my life....I am going from feeling lonely, sad, mega happy, to outrageously angry and pissed off. I have just come off of the phone from my agency for the cottage. He has just threatened to take Dale and I to court under section 8 for non payment of rent and giving us 14 days to vacate the cottage. I have been asking him for an updated contract for TWO MONTHS and have said in all the letters we keep writing - because they just do not communicate - that until something is put in writing we are not paying any more rent. We are still waiting on the bloody shower that was meant to be fitted as part of the agreement of moving in. Ron turned round and said 'we agreed within a reasonable time' but for f**cks sake TWO MONTHS! And now the landlord won't fit it until we've paid this months rent!! Until we have a contract they can stick their rent which is what I have said to Ron in a slightly more polite way! If we don't pay the rent they are taking us to court for 6 months rent and all expenses and apparently we will be black listed - this I cannot afford to be!

We are meant to go into their office on Monday to sign a new contract which he will draw up...that's all we have ever bloody asked for- for the last two months!! GRRRRRR!!!! I was standing my ground and was very very assertive with the pri**k. I came off the phone shaking but at the same time felt good that I didn't back down. Ron hates calling me I know, because I always end up having a go in some way! Yet after every phone call I have asked him to put in writing what has been discussed. It has never happened which is why I write it and send him and the land lord a copy....I wonder what exactly he has shown or told the land lord?

Anyway...just had to get this off my chest! Raising my voice in the gallery on my last day, does not bode well! Still - only 4o minutes to go!!

Take care ya'll

'Yo Dude' How cool am I?

Jonquil, Julian and myself at there house for farewell dinner 

Bad Influence is Elly Fox!

So it is Monday afternoon. I feel really really sleepy but I have Elly working by my side. I say working in the loosest of forms! She has nothing to do and I am meant to be listing my job duties of the month so that I can go through them with Leon tomorrow morning....it ain't happening really! lol. Elly and I are just acting like two giggly school girls! We suddenly decided that our next careers should be Lithuanian Prostitutes!

So we start practising the accents, and through doing this, we have come up with the best one liner ever....here goes...phoenetically.

"I am a proust-i-choot".....(pointing at your touche you then say).... "you so good looking....I giv you disc**nt!!"

Well Dale found it funny!!!

Last girls night out before I leave

After gassing for 2 hours with the pleasant witty company of Dali, he lets us go clubbing at last!!

Helen, myself, Jaqui (my cousin Sid's girlfriend) and Nikki (Sid's brother David's wife - also my cousin! Confusing eh?

Last minute touches before we head for the club to boogy boogy boogy!

On Saturday night the girls came round to the cottage and we sat outside for a couple of hours, drinking, gassing and basically catching up. I haven't seen Nikki in over a year so there was alot of family gossip to catch up on. We are all going to make a point of catching up as a group, the cousins and partners that is. We get on really really well when we do meet up but it's just fitting it all in. But now we will.

Jongleurs was good, although I have to say because I have been there several times now the music seems to be the same and doesn't quite have the same effect on me!! I danced with this lovely guy called Jamie who lives near my sister, so country bumpkin like. He said all the right things to me but with no cheesy attempt to 'pull' and I liked that. We had a few dances and he left. Why can't all men be like that? I just want to dance with someone who can dance too. It makes for more fun. The trouble with going out with a group of girls is that you end up dancing in a bloody circle with all your f******g handbags in the middle. Well a, I don't like carrying handbags in a club and b, if I don't like dancing with someone I can just turn and face someone else without any problems. The circle thing really gets me!!! Grrr!!

We didn't stay to the end. Nikki's new shoes were playing her up big time and Helen and I had to work on Sunday - my last one ever ever ever!! Yippee!!

Got to get ready for work now - last Monday ever ever ever at the gallery too. Yippee!

Maggie, my catch up friend 

This cracked me up - Dali!!!!!!!!

Terri: Have you got any cotton buds Dali, my ears feel really blocked?
Dale: No, sorry, I use match sticks!!!!

Have you ever heard anything like it!!? I nearly wet myself and just had to put it on the blog immediately!

Take care y'all, I'm off out with the girls and we are going to boogy, boogy boogy!

Back to reality! But having a good time still...

On our way home from Eastbourne, we stopped at Staples where I bought Dali an A3 portfolio for his artwork. We then stopped and had lunch at the tea rooms of Stanstead House. The grounds are beautiful there and hold very good memories for me.

In the evening Helen came round and we talked over wine about relationships. It's not easy for her now and she needs all the support she can get without feeling like she is betraying any body. Dale came home later, extremely pissed off with work, so he joined us! In the end the dinner I cooked for Dali and me ended up being eaten by Helen and I as he decided to go off with our wonderful new student neighbours - who are louder than him!!
And last night, Friday, after work, I met Maggie for dinner (more moules!) over a bottle of lovely rioja. I haven't seen her since June, and so we had alot to catch up on. I am enjoying my time meeting up with people and going out. Makes me feel independent and strong. Tonight I am out partying with the girls.....Helen, Jacqui, Nikki and myself will be heading for Jongleurs for some serious boogying with lots of nice young men!! Lol - a third of our age usually!! But it will be good harmless fun....at least for me!! I am not responsible for the actions of my fellow drunks, I mean friends!! lol

So I am at work now - my last Saturday before I leave for the big smoke...well, the outskirts anyway! I am leaving alot of family behind, but I will come down regularly to see them and also keep in touch with my new friends Helen, Rose, Elly and Maggie. It will be a good excuse to go out and party! This has been a big decision for me, but I feel very sure and at peace with it and am looking forward to the future now. A new start, a new life, another chance.

Greek Wedding in Eastbourne

I was invited by my friend to a wedding of his bestfriend, Matina. It was in Eastbourne and a true Greek Orthodox wedding. And no, there were no plates thrown but there was rice thrown at the bride and groom while in the church....as a result everyone had to be careful how they exited the church in case of going arse over tit.

The wedding was a very emotional occassion for me...and to be honest, I never even thought about it until the priest starting going on about marriage being for life and those that don't follow that are sinners. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. I am not a bad person, but I sure felt that way when he starting preaching.

The people around me were very supportive, especially Paul and Leza. They are a fantastic couple and I hope to spend more time with them in the future. Hugs are very important for me and they were there to offer them. At the reception dinner, when Matina came over looking beautiful and reminding us that this was the happiest day of her life, I just had to get out of there and go to my hotel room and cry for England. I guess it is still raw for me..I didn't realise how raw and I know these feelings will carry on regardless, everytime I go to a wedding. Even my sister said how she was on her way to a wedding the other day, supposedly the happiest day of your life, and a song came on that reminded her of Mark and I and she just burst into tears. Ironic!It's no one's fault...emotions are not to be judged....they just are. Whether you are angry or sad because of what someone has said or done, doesn't mean your emotions are wrong or right...they just are, and no one should judge. No one can help the way they feel.

Anyway, Eastbourne is great. The young are outnumbered 100:1! No wonder my nan, 89, thinks it's the dogs b*****ks! I have never ever seen so many old life-drained people in one place in all my life. Kind of makes you think - you do not want to be like that when you are old. Apart from the old people thing though, the weather was stunning for the 3 days and I enjoyed the break immensely. Beautiful walks were to be had and the best evening ever in a Belgium restaurant, eating moules and drinking lovely white wine in a wonderful setting with wonderful company. Couldn't have been happier.

At dusk, the light by the seaside was stunning and 2 hours were spent taking photographs. I am so excited that I have finally got back into being creative again. For over a year I have been surrounded by creativity but not had the chance or the inclination to be inspired to actually do anything about it! I am rather pleased at the results too and am in the process of setting up a photo blog.

Matina and Kai getting married at a Greek Orthodox church 

The rickety pier 

Sunday blues

The gallery is so quiet now what with the kids going back to school. Today seemed to drag on for ever. I did take myself out though in my lunch hour to take some photos. A friend and I have decided to set up a photo blog and these were to be my first entry. I was so excited about the content that I rushed back and began manipulating them in photoshop which I haven't done in many years. I got some great results if I do say so myself and was eager to put them on the blog for my friend to see. The afternoon passed slowly and I was chatting alot with friends. One of them being my photo blog pal. He wasn't happy with me and I understood why cause the way I had uploaded them was quick and unprofessional and nothing like he expected, to be fair. But I was hurt by the way it was said especially as nothing was said about the actual photos which I was very proud of.

Anyway, in the evening I went out with Jacqui and Sid down to Gunwharf. Had a lovely time. Several cocktails and a fab curry. The older waiter was quite funny and perverse which was hilarious coming from an indian guy. There was so much left over I asked for a doggy bag. He said they don't do them but after awhile of chatting he said he'd get me one. Since then, Dale has scoffed the lot!!! lol.

When I got home I checked my emails and all I can say is that I feel extremely shocked and hurt. And once again find myself wondering what the fuck have I done wrong now. When something so rectifyable turns into a huge deal I feel completely helpless. I am lost. Apart from saying sorry and putting the problem right, I don't feel I can do anymore. Yet the person who I wronged is hurting, which in turn is killing me. And I don't know what to do. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, alone. I have been likened by two close people , to a duracel battery, and for those that don't know what that means, it means that I just keep going and going. Well the truth of the matter is, my power is fading fast. It is now 3.20am, Monday morning.I have to go to work in less than 6 hours and I just can't sleep. But I want to, so badly. Does that mean I have energy? In a way yes, but I am burning out. I don't know how long I can keep this up for. I find myself truely alone. The people I would love to be able to talk are out of touch with me pretty much and do not wish to admit my situation. This hurts me. My blog at the minute seems to be my real friend for atleast I can air how I feel. Although this is untrue in a way for I can't be honest about certain stuff in order to be discreet so as not to hurt certain peoples feelings. Here I go again....putting other people's needs first, when quite frankly, no one is giving a shit aobut how I feel in all this. And please, for certain people who now feel I am being harsh on them, and you know who you are, don't be...I am not referring to you! I just feel like there is this black whole I am in, and there is no way out. Like my uncle said, i am on an umkknown train journey and i have just got to hang on and get through this.

Better try and sleep now.

Night y'all. Sweet dreams.

Saturday night at sister's and kids

After work on Saturday I headed for Hayling to stay at my sister's. She was cooking dinner and we were to have wine...lots of it in her case!! The kids and I played with the Itoy for a while and then naturally, we danced. I was carrying Anna in my arms while dancing and spinning her around. By the time we ate, 10.30pm, my arms were physically dead and I couldn't raise my fork to my mouth. Shut up sis!!! Can hear you giving me some smart alec remark already!!

Anyway, we all had a great time and now I am at work. Just had a call from my lovely cousin Sid. He and Jacqui are picking me up at 7 and taking me to Gunwharf for a couple of drinks and a bite to eat. This maybe the last time I see them for awhile and because we are so close it's important to do this. Sid is just one week apart in age from me so we grew up together like brother and sister. He is the only cousin I have anything to do with really...and that isn't enough either!

I hope everyone is having a great weekend off while I am working. Just two more weeks to go before I can start having EVERY WEEKEND off! I so can't wait to be one of the normal working population! I say the word 'normal' in the loosest of terms mind you!!! Lol

Take care y'all

Fun lunch with Charlie

Pizza and 'unusual' talk with Charlie!!

I had texted Charlie, my guidance councellor, that I had just handed in my notice. He immediately called me and arranged for lunch today. We went to a lovely italian restaurant over looking the port and had pizza and a bottle of wine. I was half cut when we started talking about sex. He knows EVERYTHING. I swear to god! But it turned out, my 25 year old house mate did too!!! What century am I living in?!!! Anyway, Charlie popped a letter into me half an hour later while at work. It had his email address so we could continue my guidance councelling and it also had a couple of web sites! I haven't checked them out yet. He said they should both 'feed my imagination'! lol. So, anyone interested, or am I goona be really made to look a fool when you all turn round and say, 'Ahhhh yeah......seen that one ages ago.....you should try this one....it's even better!'?